Boulevard del Río: A mayor’s micromanagement on full display

 ONLY in Cagayan de Oro (OIC) could a boulevard become a boulevard of broken promises.

Funded by the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) — yes, that Japan, the one known for punctual trains, spotless sidewalks, and actual urban planning — the Boulevard del Río was meant to be a game-changer for traffic and commerce.

Instead, it has become a monument to the city’s favorite pastime: waiting for things that never happen.

Kagay-an’s roads are now so jammed you could walk from Divisoria to Puerto on your hands and still arrive faster.

Yet the one multi-million-peso artery designed to ease congestion remains hermetically sealed, guarded like a mythical shrine — while the city drowns daily in exhaust and exasperation.

Roughly 40,000 vehicles crawl through the city’s gridlocked roads every day — translating to an estimated P3.5 billion in lost productivity each f*cking day.

Remember, entire families were displaced to different corners of the city for this multi-million project.

But despair not, dear motorists!

The local government has discovered the boulevard’s true purpose: a world-class venue for zumba, lechon festivals, and bureaucratic self-congratulations — a glittering stage for micromanagement disguised as public service.

And no, that’s not to be confused with the Hugo Boss branding the chief executive seems to favor.

Who needs mobility when you have pork, pomp, and pom-poms of political twits on the sideline?

It’s almost poetic, if not tragic — a “road project” that moves everything except traffic.

One can imagine JICA officials blinking in horror: “We funded what, exactly? A two-kilometer dance floor?”

Meanwhile, commuters stew in the sun, trapped in the grand experiment called development without direction.

What makes it worse is the theater of justification — or stupidity; take your pick.

The city keeps promising the road will open soon, a word now so overused ― like the solid waste management ― it deserves an expiration date.

In the meantime, the Boulevard del Río stands as a symbol: not of progress, but of our uncanny knack for turning infrastructure into spectacle.

If irony could be harnessed, this boulevard might finally generate enough energy to power the city. It might even need another power-generating plant.

Until then, rev your engines, Kagay-anons. You’re not going anywhere.